1. Eyes In The Back of His Head:
You’ve arrived at your airline seat. The stress of the airport is now behind you. You buckle up and await takeoff. And then this sits down in front of you. Don’t be alarmed, he is on the lookout and can see the whole plan at once.
2. Dave Likes Microwaves
This one starts as a poem. Maybe we’re going to see some real poignant poetry. But alas, it’s Dave. He likes microwaves. I just hope the owner of tattoo is Dave, because otherwise, I am confused. And I want a hot pocket now.
3. Into the Maze
This guy walked into a Tattoo Parlor and said, “give me something that will cause epileptic seizures”. It was a beautiful day for a tattoo. He had the money to spend. The line work is actually pretty good, but I just don’t get the intention behind it. I hope he wears a hat. And what happens if you fall into that black hole in the middle of the back of his head? I never want to know.
4. Tramp stamp
I know, twenty-five years ago, tramp stamps were all the rage. Perhaps its name could have been workshopped better, but these were tattoos on the small of the back of a woman. Yes, a woman. I don’t even know whats going on here. Is that a thong? And yes, I do love the monkey business to the right.
5. Jordan Fan
Many of us are Michael Jordan fans. MVPS, scoring titles, 6 rings – he’s done it all in the NBA and is one of thee best to ever do it. This guy wanted to capture an iconic image of him… on a mole on the back of his head. What a world. Furthermore, I have no idea what is going on further below on the back of his neck. That looks like another WTF tat right there.
6. “It’s Is My Life”
If were aren’t Jordan fans from the 80s and 90s, then some of us could be Bon Jovi fans. This woman must be a big fan. Gets all dressed up in her rock and roll T-shirt, tying it at the waist. Empty that can of Aerosol hairspray. Sing into the back end of the hair dryer while she does her makeup. Yeah, she’s a big fan. Just not a big fan of proper English and a piss poor editor.
7. Checkers, anyone?
Many times, I can usually figure out why someone is getting a certain tattoo. There is a family history, or something they want to commemorate, or it’s just some image they like and want to have on their skin forever. I get that. I have tats of my own so I really do. But this guy… I don’t know. Anyone up to playing Othello or Checkers, though?
8. Planet of the Apes
This is sure to scare the living shit out of anyone. Try waking up on a bus or a flight in front of this guy. Seriously, why do these people get some of these tattoos? The only thing that’s going for this tattoo is that the design was done so well. I have to give credit there, although it still could be horrifying.
9. Spiderface, Spiderface
When Peter Parker was bitten by the mutated spider, his life changed forever. When this guy walked into a tattoo shop and wanted this placed on him, his life would be over. He had to have known that, right? Notice how calm he looks, too. He’s very pleased with the work. I mean WTF!
10. Dog Tits
This one doesn’t require me to leave much of a description. You can pretty much tell this mess by looking at it. Somebody got drunk with his buddy and pulled out the tattoo needle. After that, all hope in humanity was lost. At least I know where I can find me some dog tits.
11. No, Baby, No
Artists are challenged when drawing a portrait of a person for a tattoo. There is a lot of emotion involved and the artist has to feel that when coming up with their rendition of the person. Sometimes, renditions don’t pan out too well. Sometimes, the artist has been too challenged. And sometimes, the person getting that tat thinks it’s a great rendition and wants it on their skin. This time, though, that person must have been distracted or partially blind. Just no, baby, no. I’m so sorry, darling.
12. Angry Jesus
Listen, over the past 2K years, we’ve done a lot to anger him. Wars, famines, droughts, you name it. He’s had believers become non-believers, and many cover-ups by the Church on several issues. Even still, I didn’t think he was this angry with us. I’m sorry, Big J – I’ll start going back to Mass, I promise.
Angry Jesus judges you